Travel Archives

This is a collection of the articles I have written as I travel along. I hope you enjoy them.

· Cuba
· Mexico
· Guatemala
· Eastern Canada
· Western Canada
· Interlude
· United States
· Ecuador
· New Zealand
· Australia
· Thailand
· India
· Nepal

· Adrift on the Island of Women
Sleeping, eating, lurching around between Ireland and Mexico. The beginning.

· Droit de Seigneur
The revolution promised equality but has produced a new nobility. Of which I am one.
· Pie Fights Over the Lost Highway
Do governments know how to cook an egg or flush a toilet?
· Dawdling at Length
Renting a room from the secret resistance.

· On Shark Attacks and Looking Good
Merely the fourth most dangerous in the world.
· Through the Portal of the Gods
Cavern diving in Yucatan, and whether American Football involves playing a sport.

· How I Blew my Q's
We were chased out of an lost world by dung-wielding monkeys. So what's new?
· Indian Uprising
Erupting on volcano day, strange gods and distant beliefs.

Eastern Canada
· Beggars in Paradise
Wallow through the excess, and love every minute of it.
· La Carrote Joyeuse
Flap your arms around and honk like a constipated goose. Mais faut pas gener.
· Revenge of the Stumpy Munchkins
Paddling at high speed and in the wrong direction brings a standing ovation.

Western Canada
· On not being Interesting
The only body without a tattoo on the West Coast refuses to compromise its artisitic integrity.
· This Generous Moment
How to cope when someone snores like a rutting wildebeest.
· The Jagged Heights
It was after we developed chair ballet that I found myself hanging from a ceiling rafter.

· The Silence and the Song
Talking to other people became unendurable, a bodily pain.
· The Long Mists
Noone had warned me about the carpet of naked flesh that lay before me.

United States
· Fall Colours
Seasons change across America.
· Open Ground
Just in time for the world's biggest blimp jamboree.
· Don't Forget your Bucket
I don't want to wear your pants, strange man.
· Out of the Desert
Do not attempt to climb down to the canyon floor! You will die!
· The Fops and the Bay
Try talking yourself into a whore-loween party.

· ¡Si, se pudo!
As I went way home, past the guards and the rottweilers, I couldn´t help but sing.
· Something from Nothing
Creative chaos and llama dung on Ecuador's public thrill ride.
· A Lapse in Judgement
Theft, pig carcasses and hanging off the devil's nose. Que burro.

Argentina / New Zealand
· Squirty Maradonna
On soccer, slappers and style.

New Zealand
· Sun Shines, Ice Melts in Aotearoa
Why did Kiwis invent all the world's most suicidal sports?
· Happy Wanaka
Hiding from Bob only to see a notorious omen.
· Again the Mountain
The mountain doesn't judge you. But it will test you.
· Jump Skippy, Jump!
Deliberately falling into, out of, and off things. All to please the Dolphins.
· The Blue Ringed Octopus
Heaving couples, bad air and the lunatics of travel.

· In the Workhouse
"...astonish yourself at how gay all the big butch Aussie men are. Wonder at the quality of the downtown tottie. Try not to show your disgust at their horrible accent..." - RGR
· Spanked-Up Madmen
Random hair clumps are the mark of a man on Bondi Beach
· SpoofMania!
Australians can coo like doves, and whinge like stoats.
· I, Mentor
A perfect sphere is stymied by the agents of evil
· Gnome Funicular
Scurrying through strange tunnels with the muffin folk
· Blood in the Water
What to do when the surf explodes
· Crypto Reverso
As expected, the unpredictable volte face

· Alternative Asia
Cooking and eating indescribable offal. With a smile.
· Ton Sai Kalligynaikos
Thai kindness and the end of the world.

· Dharma Scrum
Chaos and preparation for sacred India
· Honk for Paradise
Changing notions of time, religion and money in Delhi
· The Scented Rooftops
Sound and longing in the deserts of Rajasthan
· Flip Flop Wallah
Backhand economics and the children of the desert
· Lord of the Dance
Ritual and the struggle for inches in ancient cities
· Flesh Eating Bacteria
Domains of perfection and squalor on the way to the Taj Mahal
· The Pilgrim Path
Tied up without beer in the home of the ashram
· Tomorrow May Never Come
Truth, disception and the magic of Bollywood
· The Cardinal's Brother
By train and boat to easy moving Kerala; leaving India

· Change Thief
Ancient and modern forces wash round the foreigner-island in farthest Kathmandu
· Annapurna I: Broken Valley
Let us wander, from the low hills to the high places
· Annapurna II: Cold Rising
Above the treeline, cold truths emerge
· Annapurna III: Choking Point
Bitter air we cannot breathe, frozen water we cannot drink
· Annapurna IV: Dust River
We race down the valley, the wind blowing grit in our teeth
· Who is the Monkey?
Spiritual refugees and the importance of buns in Nepal





· England
· Low Countries
· Germany
· France
· Spain
· Switzerland
· Wales
· Ireland
· Other Things



· Traitor's Gate
Blasphemy and hope go hand-in-hand in London
· The Claws of Time
Become a well-known rake around town through bluff and panic.
· Traders in Human Flesh
How to make cattle of men
· The Tits and the Pendulum
Up yours to the nobs and feeling the wrath in England
· Scafell Pike
An unending nightmare of bracing walks and clean, healthy fun
· Tradition and Artifice
Fight the giant mutant vegetables!
· Psycho Hot Stuff
Another FlugTag of disasters crossing love's great divide
· The Naked Karaoke Singer
Run out of London on a rail
· Anglo Delirium
Silent passions and small things

Low Countries
Cheap sausages, bad hangovers and muddy fields forged the new Imperium
· In the Cockpit
Where on earth is Luxembourg anyway?

· The Pretzel Within
Hippos belching down drainpipes and other fun in Munich
· The Rabbit's Laugh
Never say anything in Germany, especially not in German
· Slide, Reeperbahn
Anger, blood and death. A quiet night out in Germany
· Bargain Hounds
Shopping tips for drunken womanisers in Hamburg
· Architecture and the Lusthaus
Sausages, graffiti and release in southern Germany
· The Test of Manhood
A true warrior holds in own in Hamburg
· Naked Sauna
We get all hot and flabby, together
· Panik!
The cold war stalks a fearful shopper in Germany
· What the Walnut?
Sneaky Germans conquer English by the back door

· Outrage au Drapeau
Sliding around France on a kilo of cheese a day.
· Jacques et Moi
Top level discussions as evening colour dances in Provence
· The Wild Boys
Leaving Provence, hostellers, and the exhultation of stone

· Language Barrio / Barri / Quartier
Mouthing sweet nothings in Catalonia and the Langue d'Oc

· Fear the Goat Boy
Passion and intrigue walk the knife's edge, every day in Switzerland

· Snowdon Ranger
Pursued by magicians, mushy peas and charitable instincts, we have difficulty reaching Wales

· Ghostland Ar Aghaidh
Ireland of the expectations; those pesky IndiansOther things
· Tongue-Tied and Hopping
How to confuse Europeans by speaking their own languages.
· Feeling the Forbidden
Where are the passions we are denied?
· Burnt Meat
Sometimes you have to sacrifice a animal on the altar of love...
· Accelerator
Some streets are faster than others
· Renovate
Life changes, the A-Team, and what we want to be
· Passionate Wipe Out
Suffering, filofaxes and surfer chicks
· The Critic Flings
Silk capes, waving hands and the little corporal of music
· Dusky Whaler
Underwater creatures and overwater bluffs
· The List and the Gate
It's all written down, somewhere...
· This Joyous Violence
Sudden rage breeds the ancient one



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