Subject Index

What is what

- A -
Accommodation, pursued by
Ageism, decried
Airline food, villified
Albatross, landfalls and curses
American Football, doubts expressed over
America's Cup, mystery surrounding
Amoeba, talking like a
Andes, nature walks
Auckland, damply defiled
Anglo. , invasion
Antigua Guatemala, curfew
Anti-biotics, narrowly avoided
Lake Atitlan, children of

- B -
Bars, only 24 hours in day
Backpacking, as package tour
Barefoot, questionable fashion innovation
Banditos, absence decried
Beach furniture, evolution of
Bear attacks, surviving
Beer, political power of
Belize, border crossing eulogized
Belfast, use of bison
Black Forest, lurking menace of
Bongo drummers, need for
Boys, horrid reek of
Brains, unexpected sloughing of
Breasts, not staring at
         , endless supply of
British Army, emphasis on shouting
Bruges, minus the scrofula
Bryce Canyon, and spitwads
Buenos Aires, little information on
Bungy jumping, and penguins
         , is for big girls' blouses
Bus stations, conspiracies in
Bus journeys, entertainment and survival on

- C -
Canada, beautiful women
         , misuse of resources
Camping, what it is
Canoeing, approaches to
Cenotes, diving
CEO, bullshit
Chaos, fun with in South American
Che Guevara, fashion lines
Cheerful people, recommended to Satan
Cheese, civilisation built from
Choirboys, not being mistaken for
Christmas, meaning of
Cigars, or concrete
Cities, and civilization
Climate, enters suddenly
Climbing, care in
         , tall tales
Cliff dwellings, Indian
Colorado, colours of
Cozumel, diving
The Corrs, teenage violence and
Credibility, disease and prostitutes required for
Craziness, and shoelaces
Cuba, people
         , motorway
         , medicine
         , music
Cuisine , suggestions
Custard, in comparisons

- D -
Dallas , haute bourgoisie
Dancing, how to
         , hillside
Death, officially discouraged
         , dance of
Defences, vital role of knick-knacks
Deranged baboons, employment as artists
Deserts, waterless fun parks
Devil's Nose, what's running down the
Diet, importance of
Dimensions, travelling through
Dolphins, swimming with
Duke of Edinburgh, value of pot noodle to
Dullness, given a home
Dunedin, what like
Dung flinging, proud traditions of

- E -
Early starts, bracing effects of
Eggs, preparation of
       , application to rectum
Embarrassment, forbidden
English, common girls names
         , gangs of giggling girlies
         , everything 'wicked'
         , brain contents
Equator, postage from
Equipment bores, how to spot
Europe, rank hints of garlic from
         , sinister purpose of
Eurovision Song Contest, Belgian intensity

- F -
Falklands, in modern Argentina
Farting, dealing with
Flies, and weight watchers
Food, none of your fancy stuff
         , keeping down
         , how much to eat
Footie, and slappers
         , winning tactics
Footpads, traditional Belgian costume
Fopdom, entering
Funky Tours, planning for
French, cutting laughter of
         , whether spoken at all
         , antics of
         , fortification and manhood
         , subtle idioms of
         , bureaucracy

- G -
Gassiness, and popularity
Garlic sausages, in international diplomacy
German, grammatical attitude
         , unforgiveable crimes
Glaciers, sounds of
Glacier hikes, becoming Shackleton
Goats, and homecare
Governments, toilet cleaning and
                     , knowledge of spagetti
Gourmet Spud, located
Gore, religiously inspired
Grandfather, unexpectedly becoming a
Greyhound bus, delights of
Gringos, where to rob them
Greek philosophy, applied to everyday problems
Guatemala, beauty
Guinness, where to drink
Guns, reassuring presence of

- H -
Harp, still drunk
Hamburg, Elbe by dawn
Havana, collapsing
             , university
Hats, pivotal role in Canadian history
Hardship, pursuit of
Heat, stragegies for
Hit-men, whether to avoid
Hostales, in Cuenca

- I -
Irish, bodies as source of derision
         , madcap, drunken gambolling as cry for help
         , whether funny or stylish
         , and the English
         , reserve
Irish bars, true meaning of
Indians, marketing techniques
         , religion in Mexico
         , laughing at foreigners
Iceberg, threatening Germany, what to eat

- J -
Jumping, how to impress the girls by

- K -
Kangaroos, swimming with
Kidnapping, things to do while in Ecuador
Knowledge, worthless, where kept

- L -
Las Vegas, dumpness of
Latin America, economics solved
Liquid hips, power over women
Llama dung, when best to savour
London finding a pub
Loonies, sensitively handled
Lord of the Rings, locating
Lost prince , revealed
Luxembourg, location, existence in doubt

- M -
Malls, basis of civilization
Mambo, communism and
Maori, ritual dinner
Maradonna, little guys go a long way
Marketing, language of despair
Mexico, prevalence of big hats in
Mexicans, in motion
Middle Earth, and plate tectonics
Montreal, coolness queried
Moose Travel Network, described
Mountain biking, spiky joys of
Mountain gear, all that it is

- N -
Naked flesh, carpets of
Navajo, revenge on white man
New Years Day, sober fun on
New Zealand, in the sunshine
Nobility, ascension to
Number 10 Bus, books on

- O -
Obesity, and civil disobedience
Octopus, habitat of
Ontario, whether land or sea
Opera, costume choices

- P -
Palenque, and rectal egging
Peanut butter, dependence on
Pizza, and Marxist doctrine
Piscasso, hip perversions
Primero, quien es el?
Poetry, in control
Politicians, lifestyle choices of
Police, policy regarding huts
         , personal interests of
         , compared in Europe
Potted plants, where to buy at 5.30am
Poverty, in wealth
Punks, in Switzerland

- Q -
Quebec, using the 'Q' in scrabble
Quito, drama

- R -
Rabbits, what to give in Germany
Rain, admired in Canada
         , cause for suicidal sports
         , things to do in the
Rainbow Warrior, deep sea encounter
Rafting, in the Andes
Reality , debated
Red light district, and family life
Reeperbahn, geezer parrying
Religion, role of fireworks in theology
Roads, unbelievable presence of
Rock climbing , suspicions confirmed
Rockies, Canadian
Rome, in Flanders
Rottweilers, welcome sight of

- S -
Sand dunes, things to do
Schauinsland, equipment for
Seedy bars, critical importance of
Secret base, located
Sex shows, forced to watch
Shamrock Bar, escaping the Reeperbahn
Sharks, daring escapes from
Shoes, life determined by
Shortarses, valued in Canada
Show-offs, crushed in England
Similes, , truncated in New Zealand
Sinn Fein, and empire
Slappers, conversations on
Slovenia, where located
Small towns, and lynching
Snorklers, appearance
Snoring , charms of
Sonic Youth , kill yr idols
Southern Alps, admired
Special Air Service , token reference to
Sweat holes, considered

- T -
Talk, nonsense and men
         ,importance of cranes in
Tattoos, and character
         , fools and
Theft, the bastards
Tikal, jungle temples
Time, running from
Tofino, mists of
Toilet roll, where to get
Tractors, and spirituality
Trapeze, jumping to
Travel writers, cliches
TrekAmerica, how to get around the United States
Trinidad, de Cuba

- U -
Ulster, alternative, whether that's what we need
United States, entering
Underground, located nowhere in London
         , no touching on
Utah, unexpectedly praised

- V -
Vancouver , sea to sky
Victoria, Canada
Vinales, hill guards
Violence, using unsuspecting friend as body shield
Volcanoes, and other eruptions

- W -
War, waiting for
Waste products, eagerly acquired
Water balloons, , strategic suggestions for
Waterfalls, crawling up
Waterloo, as it was
West Midlands, smells considered
Weirdos, hiding from
Wellington, views of
Whales, spotting
Whistler, things to do
White water, in New Zealand
Whore-loween, things to do in San Francisco
Wickedness , not as bad as formerly thought
Wildebeest, lovecalls of
Wines, pretending to know
Women , arguing with
         ,how to get a fella
         , how to keep a fella
World Cup, and Ecuador
World peace, my role in

- X -
Xylophones, and world domination

- Y -
Youth, of today
         , surrendering
         , don't talk proper

- Z -



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